They Can't All Be Good Ones

Last night I was watching an episode of "House" with the kids on the DVR. It was the episode where House gets dragged to dinner with Cuddy's mother and drugs her (and Wilson) to avoid having to deal with her bullshit. They also saved Shaggy from a bad case of chickenpox.

I love "House". The prick doctor reminds me of Best Friend Brian.  Complete jackass with a god complex, but you still love him cause he's so damn cute.

In a non-gay way.

Except he's actually gay.

Maybe I should just drop it?

At the end of the episode, Taub says to his wife, "I think we should get divorced." Taub's the one who cheats on his wife with anyone who holds still, but then gets upset when she develops feelings for some guy she met on the internet.

Yeah. That one hit a little too close to home. Awkward!

The internet part - not the cheating.

Asshole.

His wife replies that she loves him and comments that they've been together a very long time.

He responds, "But are you happy?"

The answer is clearly no and the scene concludes with Taub walking out the door.

My divorce went nothing like this. At no time did my ex-wife ever ask me for a divorce. Or even state that she wanted a divorce. Not once. When she left me, she packed the kids up in the middle of the night and ran to Mississippi for a month. When she decided to divorce me, she filed in secret. Then lied to me and the kids about her whereabouts and secretly flew back to Mississippi, all the while hoping that I would be served in her absence.

Sounds a little cowardly, doesn't it? Maybe that's just the way divorce works in the real world. Or maybe my ex is just a selfish, petulant child. I'll leave that to be answered by my future biographers.

People rarely have the courage to face their problems head on. If they did, disagreements would be resolved quickly and divorce would be rare (or at least less common). The Ex was famous for avoidance. It's her go-to move, right after scorched earth revenge.

Can you imagine how different this would have played out if my ex wasn't a coward? We'd have discussed our problems rationally. She could have made her case that she wasn't happy and felt that a divorce would be in her best interests. We'd have eventually agreed and could have seen a lawyer together. The lawyer would have explained that there was no way in hell any court in Macomb County would ever allow her to move the kids to Mississippi without my consent and we would have worked out a custody agreement that benefitted both of us and provided stability for the kids.

She'd probably be in Mississippi already and she'd be about $30K richer.

Instead, she's likely to lose custody, has pissed away a small fortune on legal bills and may end up in jail on Monday for being in contempt of court. The kids have been irreparably harmed by her selfish, thoughtless behavior. Oh, and we're still at least three months away from any resolution.

But I got a lot of great material for my blog. Whoop-de-doo!

And no, I do not want my Ex in jail. I just want to be left alone.

But I would feel a lot safer.

Why can't life be more like the movies (or TV)? Everything would be neatly wrapped up in 90 minutes and there'd be neat theme music.

I need my own theme music. If you have any suggestions, feel free to post below. I'm thinking about "Cheated" by Mike Posner. Check it out.

Enough about that. Three more sentences and I'll be accused of hosting a pity party.

When I would get a little too full of myself, my Dad would say "The world needs ditch diggers too." I think he meant several things by this. First, that I should never underestimate the importance of the garbage man. And second, I should never overestimate my own importance. The guy driving the garbage truck may not have an advanced degree (other than English), but if he stops picking up the trash for a couple weeks he becomes more important than your doctor or the mayor.

Ask the French or Italians - they have a garbage strike every summer.

Finally, I think he was telling me that the world won't run without all the various roles and positions being filled. It would be nice if we could all go to medical school, but we still need farmers and machinists and police men and teachers and ditch diggers. There was room for everyone in my Dad's world. He taught me to respect everyone who did the best they could to fill their respective role. I think I've fallen far short of his expectation, but I do understand his point.

I think the same holds true for most other aspects of life. Not all days can be good days. Not all years can be good years. If every day was a 'good' day, eventually we'd stop appreciating them until the word 'good' had no meaning. Perhaps rain makes us appreciate the sunshine.

And maybe I should just move to a flipping commune and develop a taste for granola...

2010 was a bad year for me - no argument there. I wasn't exactly sad to see the calendar page turn last month. I'm hoping that 2011 will be a building year for me. I'd like to establish a new foundation and get a little stability back in my life and the kid's lives. I think when all is said and done, the kids and I will come out of 2011 with a full head of steam and a lot of momentum for 2012.

At BobKrausCo, 2010 was our painful restructuring, 2011 is our building year and in 2012 we will be back on top. Wait and see.

Speaking of the kids, I'm running out of things to do with them this winter. We've done the sledding thing, the tobogganing thing and the skating thing. What else is there to do with a nine and six year old? I'm sick and tired of winter sports. I want to get back to baseball, long walks in the park, camping and fishing.

I think I've got spring fever and it's still January. This does not bode well for the next eight weeks.

I can't wait for reports from Spring Training. You can mark it down - the Cleveland Indians will be competitive in 2011. I'm predicting two games over 500. That pitching staff is poised to take a big step up, and the hitters are a lot better than people give them credit for. The Yankees are already drooling thinking about Shin Soo Choo in 2014.

No, I'm not crazy. Clevelanders have no imagination. And yeah, I think the Browns will win 9 or more games next season too.

No John, the Cavs will still suck.

Speaking of baseball, one unexpected fallout from this damn divorce is that it's going to totally screw up my son's spring and summer baseball leagues. I'd like to sign him up, but I'm afraid he won't be able to participate. Since we have no agreement on custody and no resolution in sight, I don't even know for sure where the kids will be this summer. And even if they are still in Michigan, I'm pretty sure the Ex won't let him play. She wouldn't take the kids to their weekly swimming lessons that I signed them up for, and I'm pretty sure she won't be making an exception for baseball.

It's tough enough being a single parent, but it really sucks when your Ex is more interested in trying to hurt you than she is in doing what's right by your kids. I read a Facebook post that said something to the effect that "you need to love your kids more than you hate your ex". Wise words. I'm trying very, very hard to live my life with those words in mind. It's difficult, but the kids are worth it.

So no, they can't all be good days. But maybe getting through this shitstorm of a divorce will make me appreciate the good times and good people even more.

And there will be a lot of good times to appreciate in the coming years.

Peace.