Happy New Year!
New beginnings, or one year closer to death? I suppose it's all a matter of perspective.
I don't traditionally make New Year's resolutions, but my understanding is that approximately 40% of Americans do. Unfortunately, of those people who make resolutions, about 88% fail. So for those of you who made your resolutions last night, I hope for are part of the 12%.
New Year's resolutions have quite the historical precedent. The Babylonians would make promises to their gods at the beginning of each year to return borrowed objects and repay old debts. The Romans would make promises to the god Janus, for whom "January" is named.
These ancient rites have apparently evolved into Americans making promises to the ghost of Dick Clark for self-improvement.
In the spirit of the holiday, I hearby publish my 2013 New Year's Resolutions:
1) Take a trip with Sherry that requires an airplane. I haven't been on a "real vacation" in about four years. Mostly this lapse was due to financial and time constraints related to the divorce, but my extensive work related travel between 2004 and 2008 soured me on all airport related matters. I hate driving to the airport, paying a fortune to park, submitting to completely unnecessary invasive searches, jamming myself into a tiny coach seat and paying extra for having the audacity to check my luggage. That's all before take off. Add in missed connections, mechanical difficulties, weather, cruddy hotel rooms and rental cars and you might begin to understand my position.
Sherry deserves a vacation and I've been putting it off. I don't care where we go or when we go there, but I'm definitely going to support it. That said, I will not be part of the selection or booking process beyond confirming that my passport is valid and up to date. A man has to have standards.
2) Maintain my weight. No New Year's resolution list is complete without a weight related promise which is rarely (if ever) achieved. In my case, I simply want to maintain my current weight, mostly for health reasons since I'm now a year older. Since turning 40, I've become a little more aware of my mortality. The aches and pains seem to linger a little longer. Since I want to be present for my kids, I need to keep off the extra weight.
3) Volunteer my time to the Shelby Township Little League. This one will be really easy to follow through on. Last year the boy asked me NOT to coach his Little League team (at his mother's prodding). Since he asked, and to keep the peace, I reluctantly agreed. Unfortunately, it didn't work out the way he (or I) had hoped. There was no peace and his coach was abrasive, loud and "not good" at baseball.
Look, I think that anybody that contributes their time to Little League is a hero. That said, there are good coaches and bad coaches. As a coach, my objectives have always been pretty straightforward. First, the kids should have fun. Second, everyone should learn and get better at the game of baseball. That's about it. As a coach, it's my job to teach the kids how to pitch, field and hit; to identify their individual strengths and weaknesses and put them in positions to succeed.
Last season my son's coach's most overused quotation was "you can't do that!" Well, yes, the boys can and did "do that". Whether it was throwing to the wrong base, dropping the ball, holding the ball too long, swinging at strike one as it sails over your head, walking the leadoff batter on four pitches or not advancing to second on a wild pitch, they did in fact "do that". It wasn't from lack of effort. They simply weren't properly prepared or put in positions to succeed. Constant failure isn't fun - I'm from Cleveland, I know this first hand. Competitive games are fun. Success is fun. Being part of and contributing to a team is fun. Being criticized during a game by your coach for mistakes that weren't discussed or covered in your practices is "not fun".
This year, if the kids don't have fun and don't learn anything, it'll be my fault.
That said, my son and I are both fully aware that we should never be in a coach / player relationship. If I am selected to manage, we both understand that I will only be managing 12 of the 13 kids. That's what assistant coaches are for. The very best baseball coach The Boy ever had was Steve Nadolski. I would pay good money for Steve to coach The Boy every year. But even Steve was rendered absolutely incompetent where his two boys were concerned. Unfortunately, I believe this is true for almost all fathers and sons.
4) Get and keep our financial house in order. Financially, things are pretty good. I can afford my current lifestyle and I'm comfortable with it. I have a craft beer wallet to match my craft beer taste. What I'd like is to develop a little more financial discipline. Believe it or not, I'm less than 11 years away from being eligible for full retirement. Granted, with an eight year old in the house it won't be feasible for me to retire to the caribbean in 2024. But I would like the financial flexibility to move on to a new stage of my life, perhaps going back to college to teach.
To give myself that kind of flexibility, I need to start preparing for the future. Being debt free is nice, but it's not really sufficient when you're pushing 45 years of age. It's time to start saving like a grown up and not spending like a teenager on spring break.
With Sherry's help, we will make a plan and stick to it.
That's about it.
***
On the occasion of this joyous New Year, I'm about to perform a much needed musical public service. I'm going to explain "Auld Lang Syne". See, I've heard that damn song at least 90 times between New Year's celebrations, funerals and Cub Scout functions but to this day I didn't know what the heck "Auld Lang Syne" meant.
Thanks to the good people of Wikipedia, we now have the resources to answer such pressing questions. Literally, Auld Lang Syne translates from old Scottish to "Old Long Since". "For Auld Lang Syne" might be loosely translated to "for the sake of old times". Here is the original text from Robert Burns' 1788 poem:
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne ?
CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my jo, (jo is "darling")
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp ! (be is "buy", stowp is "glass")
and surely I’ll be mine !
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
CHORUS
We twa hae run about the braes, (twa is "two", hae is "have", braes are "hills")
and pu’d the gowans fine ; (pu'd is "picked", gowans are "flowers")
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary fit, (mony is "many", fit is "foot")
sin auld lang syne. (sin is "since")
CHORUS
We twa hae paidl’d i' the burn, (paidl'd is "paddled", burn is "stream")
frae morning sun till dine ; (dine is "dinner time")
But seas between us braid hae roar’d (braid hae roar'd is "broad have roared")
sin auld lang syne.
CHORUS
And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere ! (fiere is "friend")
and gie's a hand o’ thine ! (gie's is "give us")
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught, (gued-willy waught is roughly "good will draught" or "good will drink")
for auld lang syne.
CHORUS
So, Auld Lang Syne is essentially a drinking song between old friends that have lost touch over time.
At this time of year it's certainly appropriate to think back on old times and old friends. So to all of my family and friends who I certainly don't call or write as often as I should,
Prost!
For auld lang syne!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Ten Breakup Songs - The Appendix
Okay, here a few more suggested by my loyal readers:
"Thank God and Greyhound (You're Gone)" Roy Clark
This song does nothing for me. It might be the fact that it's a country tune, but I think that for me the lyrics don't really ring true. It doesn't feel like it was written by someone who was emotionally invested. There's about as much feeling as someone saying "I'll call you" after a one night stand. I think it's more likely someone imagining what a breakup might have felt like.
"Somebody That I Used To Know" Gotye
This is a good one. I feel find of silly for leaving it off the list. In fact, this one would probably be in the top five if I had to force rank them right now. I love the imagery in this song. The sadness in his voice feels real, palpable and raw. What an interesting artistic choice to have the ex's response, and to have the author come off as the jerk. It makes the feeling all the more real. The video is pretty good too.
"Gives You Hell" The All-American Rejects
It's a catchy tune with a cute video, but it doesn't really connect with me. The author seems to have made his happiness dependent on his ex's unhappiness or regret. If you are waiting for an ex to "wake the fuck up" and regret leaving you, you'd better pack a lunch, cause it ain't happening. That's a recipe for a long unhappy life.
More to come...
"Thank God and Greyhound (You're Gone)" Roy Clark
This song does nothing for me. It might be the fact that it's a country tune, but I think that for me the lyrics don't really ring true. It doesn't feel like it was written by someone who was emotionally invested. There's about as much feeling as someone saying "I'll call you" after a one night stand. I think it's more likely someone imagining what a breakup might have felt like.
"Somebody That I Used To Know" Gotye
This is a good one. I feel find of silly for leaving it off the list. In fact, this one would probably be in the top five if I had to force rank them right now. I love the imagery in this song. The sadness in his voice feels real, palpable and raw. What an interesting artistic choice to have the ex's response, and to have the author come off as the jerk. It makes the feeling all the more real. The video is pretty good too.
"Gives You Hell" The All-American Rejects
It's a catchy tune with a cute video, but it doesn't really connect with me. The author seems to have made his happiness dependent on his ex's unhappiness or regret. If you are waiting for an ex to "wake the fuck up" and regret leaving you, you'd better pack a lunch, cause it ain't happening. That's a recipe for a long unhappy life.
More to come...
Ten Breakup Songs
When is the best time to write? Pretty much anytime you want to procrastinate from the "real work".
How about those Indians?
Growing up in Parma, I've got no expectation of a Cleveland World Championship in anything other than economic contraction or population flight. One thing I've learned in my 42 years is "Cleveland sports teams will always break my heart".
But this season for the Tribe is just pure torture. Obviously at some point I stopped watching as they continue to play out the string. But now I'm having trouble even getting through the box scores. The games are boring and the quality of the baseball being played is terrible. Bad pitching, average defense and a lineup that is about three players deep. How did the wheels fall off so quickly? And how do I generate any hope for next year? They need (at a minimum) two starting pitchers and three position players to be five-hundred. Even Mike Ilitch doesn't have pockets that deep. And that's assuming Masterson, McAllister and Kluber are viable Major League starting pitchers, which may be a stretch. Maybe they get Carrasco back from Tommy John, but then what? Sign Greinke?
As for the position players, at a minimum they need a left fielder, first baseman and a designated hitter. If I'm the GM for the Tribe, I trade Asdrubal Cabrera this off season. His value will never be higher and they have ample shortstop prospects behind him in the minors. Customers are paying full price for their tickets. Why shouldn't they get to see Francisco Lindor right now? Or Ronnie Rodriguez?
At least I've got the Browns.
Time to change the subject.
...
I'm in the middle of painting the trim on the house.
And putting it off while I write this.
My home is mostly brick and vinyl, but as is the custom this decade, the trim and soffits are wood. And that wood needs to be painted every eight to ten years. Or it rots.
I've lived here eight years (hard to believe) and it's overdue. The existing builder grade paint was probably shot two years ago, but with the divorce and associated personal and financial upheaval I put it off. This summer I couldn't put it off any more. One small section on the front porch rotted and I knew if I didn't do it now, I'd be replacing a lot more of it next year.
So I called by good friend BLT (who owes me a few favors) and we got to work Labor Day weekend. What I didn't realize until after that fact was BLT was afraid of heights. From his Facebook page:
"I started on the low part of the garage 2/3 up a 6ft (?) Ladder, working over my head. A little scary, but ok. Took a little break while Bob set up the big one to get the first 3rd done. Paint in one hand, kung-fu grip with the other I made it to the top and concentrated on the work, took my mind off the rest for a bit. Once down, I helped Bob extend the ladder all the way. I did my best to casually ask if everything was safe, he said yes, I know he would never put me at risk, so I believed him. I felt myself, and the ladder shaking as I went up, but focused on the roof as I went. By the time I got there I was genuinely scared, but decided to keep my mouth shut and do the job I came to do and not focus on what was flashing through my mind every step of the way, though I did jokingly say my insurance card was in my wallet. By this point Bob had walked away to get back to work and I was perched maybe 25ft (Bob?) up in the air working over my head. I made sure to get every last spot done perfectly, I was not getting back up there to fix anything. Getting down is the worst part, since I have to look down, I was in full panic, but just went one step at a time. Once down, I took a break, and tried to cover my tracks by fiddling with my phone, some sun screen, took some pics. When Bob helped me move the ladder back down he told me what a great job I was doing, which gave me the strength to brave the last few trips up and down. He said thanks, everything looked good, I kept my mouth shut and everybody moved on. I was proud of both the work I did, and dealing with my bullshit, but the unknowing support and confidence of my best friend made it all possible."
I didn't realize it at the time, but that's some impressive shit. He was about 25 feet up and finished the entire front of the garage. And it looks great. Thank you.
And now I feel really guilty for procrastinating.
...
I've been working on a list of my ten favorite breakup songs for the better part of the last two years. Not because I'm indecisive or that the task is particularly hard.
Pretty much all I have to do is organize my iTunes account by "Plays" and exclude the kid's songs.
But mostly because I'm easily distracted.
I wanted to call this these the "Ten Greatest Breakup Songs" but I'm not much of a critic, it's not like I've listened to every song ever recorded and a lot of these songs objectively aren't really all that good. This list is almost guaranteed to change in six months when the next great breakup song hits my iPhone. I will say that these ten songs all mean something to me. They all have a personal connection to something in my life either through the lyrics or a time in my life I (for some reason) associate with the song. I listen to them to remind me of better times, to pick the scabs of my failures, to find perspective or to remind me that there is always hope.
But the Johnny Cash version is even better. It's an incredibly depressing song to open a playlist. The message is that everything in life ends. It's from the point of view of a junkie, but is really about mortality. Every birth is a future death. Every marriage ends in sadness - divorce or death - pick one.
This one is just for fun. My favorite band singing about a cheating spouse. "She used to be pretty, but now she's just pretty fucked up". So true. After any breakup it should be required listening.
I'm not sure that this is even a breakup song, except for the lyric "of the things I miss". But it reminds me of days spent in college on the world's ugliest couch with the Princess of Darkness. So I guess for me personally it's a little bit about loss.
Is there any better song about a cheating spouse? It's about as deep as Kim Kardashian, but infectiously fun. I suppose it's been a little overplayed since last summer, but I still like it.
This is the most personal song on the list. "If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them in the mouth." That's pretty much exactly how I felt when I got my divorce papers. Shock, surprise and disappointment. I still can't listen to this song without tearing up. It takes me right back to that day.
This song rocks, but I'm not sure even Bob Mould is 100% sure about the lyrics. To me, it's about the anger and resentment associated with a breakup. "How could you do this to me?" It's cathartic for me to listen to this song.
Cheesiest song on the list, but I like it for the message of empowerment. Just because someone else doesn't want what you're selling doesn't make it worthless.
I don't think anybody does "breakup" better than Alanis Morissette. If you're a single guy and a friend tries to set you up with Ms. Morissette, run away. You don't want your breakup to be immortalized in coffee shops across the world. This particular song is about the regret associated with a breakup. It reminds me that not only did I lose my money and my stuff in my divorce, I also lost my best friend.
This is my current favorite breakup song. "All of our bridges burned down." True. "All those fairy tales are full of shit." Check. "You turned your back on tomorrow because you forgot yesterday." Oh yeah. "It's hard to remember the people we used to be." The funny thing is that my kids love this song and it tears my guts out every time I hear it. Sometimes I wonder if they even understand the lyrics. I'm pretty sure they only like it for the melody, but I could be wrong.
Another favorite song of my kids. The lyrics are extremely obtuse, but to me this song is about mortality. The allusion to a king being deposed and the loss of authority or power. Castles built on sand. Numerous Christian references. And that beautiful string section.
That's ten. Subject to change of course.
Special bonus song:
Best revenge song ever!
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