Back to Purgatory

Man, if John can find time for two posts in a week, who am I to ignore my faithful readers?

Here I sit at nine o'clock on a Wednesday morning awaiting a call from my custody investigator. I am on the sixth floor of the Macomb County courthouse. It's known as the Friend if the Court level, or purgatory to those of us in the know. Soon a complete stranger will interview me with the express intent of deciding the future custody of my minor children. These would be the two most important people in my life. At the end of his investigation the custody investigator will choose from three outcomes. Me, the Ex or 50/50.

The crazy part is that for the custody investigator there is no investment in the outcome. Regardless of the recommendation, he doesn't have to live with the results. There are no long term measurements on his decisions. They don't track child outcomes based on the assignments made. They might as well do away with the interview process and just throw dice. Most of the people that come through his office probably have two decent parents anyway, right? Einstein postulated the "God does not play dice with the universe" but the Friend of the Court seems to.

Based on a short one hour interview this gentleman will be required to make a recommendation that will completely define the lives of my children for the next twelve years. He will determine what values they will grow up with, where they will grow up, where they will go to school and how often they will see the people that truly love them.

As opposed to the Mississippi Mafia who simply try to buy them off with inappropriate gifts.

So here I sit with my kids lives on the line awaiting my "interview". This may be the single most important conversation of my life. I feel like I've been preparing my whole life for this day. All of my schooling, everything I learned from my Dad about responsibility and doing the right thing, all of my friendships and the people in my life who taught me how to compromise and all of my professional experiences that taught me how to negotiate. Everything I've experienced and learned was for this hour.

***

I met my inquisitor. He seems like a genuinely caring guy. I don't know how he survives doing what he does. I think he'll give me a fair shake. At least I hope he will.

The Ex's attorney opened and spent thirty minutes assassinating my character and parenting skills. There are lies, and then there are LIES. If Uncle Dave had been there someone would have gotten punched in the face. I took it all pretty well until that jackass started talking about my kids feelings towards me. I wonder how much quality time he's spent with my kids to pretend to know anything about them or their feelings regarding this divorce?

Okay, enough about that. Nothing productive will come from those sour grapes.

My Ex now gets about an hour to present her case that I am a bad father. Well, when I'm not being an absentee father. Or an abusive husband. Or any of the hundred other evil, untrue things she's spinning. What she doesn't understand is that the more she tries to demonize me, the easier it will be for me to refute. She would be much more successful focusing on her skills as a mother than my supposed faults as a father. The more she talks about my faults, the less she talks about how her custody would benefit the kids.

I want stability for the kids. If I thought for one minute that being with her would offer the kids the stability they need, I would stop fighting today. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. I want the kids to stay in the house they know. To go to the school they love. To spend time with their friends. To be close to their families.

She wants them to move to Mississippi. The poorest, most poorly educated, most racist state in the nation.

One thing that scares me about the move is the Ex's propensity to destroy relationships. The Ex is no longer in communication with ANYONE from our wedding party. She does not speak to any of her bridesmaids or my best man (who she required me to pick). She is estranged from her brother and wasn't speaking to her oldest brother at the time of his death. Eventually, she'll nuke her relationship with the Mississippi Mafia too - just like every other relationship in her life. And when that happens, what happens to my kids? Another move? More stress? How will that benefit them?

And that is the reason I fight. And it is the reason I will continue to fight until all of my options are exhausted.

***

Just got out of my one on one interview. That could not have gone any better if I had written a script. My interviewer is a divorced father who grew up in Mississippi.

That's not a joke.

When I stated that the Ex wanted to move to Mississippi, he shook his head. He stated that there is no way any judge in Macomb County will ever let my Ex take my kids to Mississippi. His comment was "You have nothing to worry about."

I liked that.

After the interview, I would say I have an excellent chance of being awarded full custody of my kids. Yup - full custody. Apparently the filing of false reports of child abuse and domestic violence do not sit well with the Macomb County Friend of the Court. I guess that makes sense. If you can't tell the truth to the police, it might reflect poorly on your parenting skills.

So there you go. One more day in purgatory down. One more day closer to closure. One more day closer to being rid of her and her drama.

When this is all over, I think I'll send the Ex a thank you card.

Peace.