Karma-nitas

Hello loyal audience. I know it's been a while since I last posted. Yes, I have a calendar and I do know how to read it.


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I've been busy. I'm sorry. Geez, you want your money back?


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My Ex works at a local restaurant. At least, I'm pretty sure she still does. I love this restaurant, but I won't ever go there again. I am absolutely paranoid that she's going to spit in my food.

Is it really paranoia if they are out to get you?

Today it suddenly dawned on my that I spent the better part of sixteen years letting her stick her tongue down my throat. And I generally liked it. So why should I care if she spits in my food?

Spitting is a pretty much universal sign of hatred or contempt.  It's typically directed at the face, but some cultures direct it at the feet - we've all seen it in the movies. Obviously there are physical risks to spitting, such as TB or the flu, but it's primarily a social taboo.

In the middle ages spitting was perfectly acceptable behavior and it was actually considered ill-mannered to suck back saliva to avoid spitting. It wasn't until the 1700's that spitting was seen as something that should be concealed and in the mid 1800's it became gauche to spit on the floor or on the street in mixed company. Spitting in general went out of favor after the 1918 influenza pandemic and with it the collapse of the cuspidor manufacturing base.

Not coincidentally, the mid 1800's saw the development and adoption of Semmelweis's germ theory of disease. By the 1870's Joseph Lister was applying the germ theory of disease to surgical procedures and hocking Listerine. I imagine that it quickly became obvious that spitting wasn't sanitary and eventually became socially unacceptable and vulgar.

Outside of a baseball diamond of course.

So why does it bother me that the Ex might spit in my food? It's not embarrassment, because nobody other than her co-workers would ever know there was spit in my food. It's not hygiene, because I spent the better part of sixteen years swapping bodily fluids with her.

It's control. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of degrading me. And that's why I'll never be able to taste those damn Carnitas again.

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As most of you probably know by now, I am not a religious man. I don't believe in ghosts, spirits, heaven or hell. I'm more like Crash Davis. I like to believe in "the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch and that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."


That about sums it up. I believe this life is what matters. There are no 72 virgins. There is no paradise. The only paradise is the one we create every day with and for the people we love.


But, if I was going to believe in any metaphysical mumbo jumbo, it'd probably be Karma. The concept of Karma can be found in Hindu, Jain, Buddhist and Sikh philosophies. According to Wikipedia, Karma is a concept of "action" or "deed" that drives the entire cycle of cause and effect. Karma applies to the totality of our actions and reactions in this and previous lives, all of which determines one's future. If one sows goodness in this life (or previous lives) one will reap goodness. And vice versa.


Granted, since it requires reincarnation it kind of violates my first two paragraphs.


Basically, if you're a Hindu and you're getting shit on all the time it's not bad luck. It's because you were a bastard in a previous life. And if you don't want to be shit on in your next life, you should suck it up and focus on doing good deeds now.


It's a lot like Catholic guilt in the sense that everything bad that happens is your fault. Or if you're Jewish, you deserve it.


It's often summarized by "Life is a field, and Karma is the seed. You reap what you sow. Exactly what you sow - no more, no less." This concept of reaping what you sow was adopted by Christianity in Galatians 6:7-8:


⁷ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. ⁸ Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.


Consequently, the concept of Karma is quite readily accepted in the West. You'll never get an Evangelical to admit it, but it's definitely of eastern origin.


But the rub is that you can be as good or evil as you want in this life, but it won't affect you until you die and get reincarnated. It wasn't until the '60's that John Lennon popularized the concept of "Instant Karma". In Instant Karma retribution is immediate - no waiting. Lennon believed that good or evil action would be rewarded / punished in this lifetime. He believed that good actions were the key to happiness and fulfillment.


He summed it up pretty clearly:


Instant Karma's gonna get you, 
Gonna knock you right on the head, 
You better get yourself together, 
Pretty soon you're gonna be dead, 
What in the world you thinking of, 
Laughing in the face of love, 
What on earth you tryin' to do, 
It's up to you, yeah you. 

Instant Karma's gonna get you, 
Gonna look you right in the face, 
Better get yourself together darlin', 
Join the human race, 
How in the world you gonna see, 
Laughin' at fools like me, 
Who on earth d'you think you are, 
A super star, 
Well, right you are. 


It's a comforting thought. Real or not, it plays to our innate sense of fairness and justice. We want to see the bastards get what they deserve. We want to see OJ in jail. We want to see Osama bin Laden with a bullet in his melon. We want to see the Yankees lose in the playoffs.


Not the Shelby Township Yankees! They kick ass.


We need to believe right action is rewarded and bad action is punished. Otherwise we're just suckers, right? Why spend your life being good when you could have spent your days being a selfish prick who took advantage of his friends and neighbors.


On the downside, I don't think avoiding cosmic retribution is the best reason to 'not be an asshole'.


I always had a problem with the concept of doing good purely to get into heaven as a kid. It seemed to cheapen the concept of our eternal reward. If you're only doing good things to go to heaven, wouldn't God know that? And doesn't intent count? If you accidentally tripped and dropped a piano on a pre-school field trip, God wouldn't hold it against you, would he? You didn't intend to kill ten toddlers. Sure, they're still dead, but it was an accident.


Same for doing good deeds. If you're only doing them to get into heaven, isn't it a purely selfish act that should damn you to hell?


And while we're on the topic of dead pre-schoolers, why didn't God step in to stop it? He's supposed to be the omniscient / omnipotent one, not me.


I'm working hard to not be an asshole. Not to get into some imaginary heaven. Not to avoid cosmic vengeance. But because I want my Dad to be proud of me.


It's a good enough reason for me.


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Those of you that follow me on Facebook probably know that the Ex has been working hard to build up her bad Karma this month. I won't recount the gory details, but she's still pretty pissed off at me and sees no problem leveraging the kids.


Yesterday was the one year anniversary of her leaving me to run away to Mississippi. Today would have been our 16th wedding anniversary. Last Sunday was Father's Day. Is it any wonder I've been having a bad week?


I don't know if Karma is paying me back for all the stupid shit I've done in my life. I don't know that I deserve it, but I can't say for sure that I don't. I do know that the Ex has dug herself one Deep Karma Canyon with her actions in the last year. Mountains all around and no happy ending in sight.


So what's my point?


I'm not really sure. Normally this is the point in the post where I tie everything together and we all feel better. But I'm not feeling it today.


What does Karma have to do with spitting in my food?


Hell if I know.


I do know I've got to wrap this thing up and get on to my weekend.


In summary, I'm not overly concerned about spit in my food cause it's pretty unlikely the Ex contracted TB in the last twelve months and I must have been a real bastard at some point to deserve the shit sandwich I was served 366 days ago.


But if Karma is real, I shouldn't be worried about spit in my food any more. That bitch owes me big.

Oh, and I've still got my pride, but I had to give up the damn Carnitas to keep it.

Peace.