Annus Miserablis

Annus Miserablis? I don't even need to translate that one, do I?

I hate explaining my jokes. Latin. "Horrible Year". Jeez!

I've had bad days, but nothing quite like the string of crappy days I've been facing these past few months. Some days it's been a real challenge just to crawl out of bed. Pretty much every day I say "Nothing can get worse." And then I get an email from my lawyer.

Funny thing, I've established several new email relationships with old and new friends. When the little 'You've Got Mail' icon pops up on my Palm Pre there's a brief rush of excitement.

"What could this be?"

"Who is about to bring joy into my life?"

"Are there naked pictures attached?"

No, I don't actually get any naked pictures. For most of my friends, this is a really good thing. For those of you who are not fat, hairy males, feel free to contribute.

But it really bums me out when I get email from my lawyer's office. He has two assistants, Gabriela and Samantha. I don't know either of these women, but I've come to think of them as the 'harbingers of doom'. I wonder what they look like? Would I appreciate them more if they included naked pictures?

I learned that in the 12th century, a harbinger was a "lodging-house keeper". The word derives from 'harbourer' or, as they spelled it then, 'herberer' or 'herberger'. It wasn't until the 13th century that the word came to mean a scout who went ahead of an army, and finally a sign or warning of bad things to come. Technically, "harbinger of doom" is redundant since the word already has a negative connotation. 

Recently I got an email from Samantha (harbinger #2) announcing that my custody deposition had been scheduled for my birthday. Wonderful! I can't imagine any place I'd rather spend my 42nd birthday than the Friend of the Court going over every one of my financial documents from the last two years.

Well, unless we can add a couple of lawyers.

And I get to pick up the tab? Oh joy!

My crappy year got me thinking about the concept of the 'best year ever'. I've had some great years. For me, my best year so far was probably 1991 or 1992. I was living with Best Friend Brian on Jefferson Avenue in Cincinnati. I didn't have a care in the world. My days were spent studying whatever I wanted. My evenings were filled by great friends and conversation. My weekends were spent pasting my friends on the football field before getting pasted each night.

But that's not the 'Best Year Ever'. The title of 'Best Year Ever' has to go to Albert Einstein in 1905 - and there is no second place. 1905 is commonly referred to as Einstein's Annus Mirabilis (Miracle Year). The title refers to the Annus Mirabilis Papers published by Albert Einstein in 1905. These four papers published in the German Annalen der Physik journal forever changed our views on space, time and matter. And 105 years later still form the basis of much of modern physics.

At the time of publication, Einstein was only 26 years old. Let me say that again so it sinks in. When he completely redefined objective reality Einstein was 26 years old. When I was 26 years old I was still trying to figure out the difference between shit and Shineola. And I wasn't very successful. I was 24 before I even graduated from college.

Can you imagine being the editor of Annalen der Physik that year? The editor at the time was Paul Karl Ludwig Drude. Every few months some punk kid is submitting another unsupported paper redefining decades or even century old ideas about light, energy, time, space or matter. "Well Mr. Einstein, we like your paper, but do you think you could you punch it up a little bit? The whole thing on Special Relativity is just a little dry. What if we add some cartoons of astronauts. Oh wait, astronauts don't exist yet? Go with bicycles. Or clocks."

The four papers were on the photoelectric effect, Brownian motion, special relativity and matter-energy equivalence. Not clear enough?

Have none of you spent years studying theoretical physics? What is wrong with you?

Photoelectric Effect
The photoelectric effect defines and describes energy quanta. Einstein proposed that light could only be emitted or absorbed in discrete quantities. These discrete quantities were later defined to be "photons". Einstein, a patent clerk at the time, directly contradicted the existing wave theory of light. It took sixteen years for the rest of the scientific community to accept his theory completely. Later, this paper became the foundation of quantum mechanics. He won the Nobel prize in 1921 for this discovery.

Much later, quantum mechanics was polluted by Deepak Chopra and many other charlatans to explain the magical power of positive thinking. No, it doesn't work. You can throw your copy of "The Secret" in the recycling bin. Wishing doesn't equal work.

If you want more evidence, click here. Michael Shermer does a much better job explaining this quackery than I ever could.

That doesn't mean I'm against inspirational books in general. I like inspirational books. I just think they should stick to reality. It's good to have a positive attitude and think positive thoughts, but without hard work you're just engaging in mental masturbation.

Brownian Motion
This paper proved the existence of atoms. "Brownian motion" describes the motion of small particles suspended in a stationary liquid. If you mix very small particles in water and look at them under a microscope you will see them moving around haphazardly like the chips on a Plinko board.

What is with my fascination with Plinko and "The Price is Right"?

While this had been observed for decades, before Einstein's paper no one could explain the cause of the motion. I won't get into the details, but Einstein's explanation for the motion conclusively proved the existence of the atom. That's right, using a pencil, paper and microscope Einstein proved that all matter was made of atoms.

Special Relativity
First off, don't confuse special relativity with general relativity. General relativity wasn't invented until 1916 and special relativity had nothing to do with gravity. In this paper Einstein reconciled the laws of electricity and magnetism with the laws of mechanics by redefining time, distance, mass and energy in a way that was consistent with electromagnetism. This is the paper that proved nothing can move faster than the speed of light, and time is not 'fixed', but is relative to a body's velocity.

Sorry, that's just about as simple as I can make it. 'Special Relativity' is heady stuff even for me. 'General Relativity' really takes it to the next level.

Matter and Energy Equivalence



Is that clear enough for you? It's only the most famous equation in all of physics. It's the basis of the nuclear bomb, the nuclear fusion that powers the sun and the nuclear reactions used for power generation.

Not bad for twelve months, eh? Any one of the papers would have made him a physics legend. The fact he published four put him in the same discussion as Sir Isaac Newton.  Publishing all four in the same year? Mind blowing. It would be like one athlete winning the football, baseball and basketball MVP awards in the same season.

Or the EGOT. Give a shout-out to our 30 Rock fans! I wanted to find a clip of the EGOT, but this will have to do. Why are my therapy sessions nothing like this?

At this point in my posts I generally try to shoehorn some boobs in, but it just ain't happening for me tonight. How about Marisa Tomei in 'The Wrestler'? She'll be 46 this year.

For me personally, this has been more of an Annus Miserablis. Obviously the change that is occurring around me is not conducive to great physics discoveries. I'm lucky to 'discover' change in the dryer right now. But the changes I am making are helping me to redefine what is important to me and they have had some measurable positive benefits.

I haven't written anything 'creative' since Ms. Meixner's 12th grade AP English class at Parma Senior. That was 'only' 24 years ago. And yet, here I am blogging (for free) and getting suckers like you to read my scrawlings. I've had almost 500 page views - that's probably more than the Detroit News this week.

Wow, I'm glad I'm not in the newspaper business.

I managed to spend nine years in college and never walked into an English classroom. Not even by accident. That's got to be a record. I'm not saying I'm proud of that fact, it just sort of happened. There was always something just a little more interesting. On the other hand, I am an engineer. We're hardly known for our communication skills.

You think it shows?

There are other positives. I've rediscovered some old friends. I've initiated a few new friendships. I've lost a lot of weight. I'm exercising again. I feel better about myself and I'm really starting to like the guy I see staring back at me in the mirror.

I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone, but it's not just an ending. It's also an opportunity. But to take advantage of that opportunity to need to accept and embrace the change that comes along with it. I'm just now beginning to understand that.